Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Winter of My Discontent

As I take a break from a University assignment that I am finishing, I log into my blog (the one you're currently reading genius), I realise that it is nearly Winter, and for those people in the Northern Hemisphere who may eventually accidentally stumble over my blog, Summer. But I'm in Australia, and I think my nipples are turning blue, so it obviously doesn't matter what season you guys are in, here it's Winter, and it's fucking cold.

Whatever happened to Global Warming? This is the coldest I've ever been. Screw Winter. Screw the politicians that promised me warmths, and screw the power company for charging us for electricity and gas. I was promised heat all the time. LIES! oh well, if that happened, we'd all be dead, or dying, or just chilling in our submerged houses with the air conditioning on maximum. Albeit, we'd drown almost instantly, but at least we would be comfortable, until our lungs started to burn due to the lack of oxygen underwater. Actually, on second thought, I don't want to do that. I'd much prefer to, you know, live.

I wonder what life will be like when the ice caps melt, the temparature rises, and civilisation as we know it goes down in a blaze of glory (See what I did there? Blaze, heat, it's a pun... oh forget it.) I wonder what people would do. Would the exit in a calm and orderly fashion, or would it be all 'Yo homie, I'm robbing you coz it's survival of the fittest." (At least thats how I think the kids speak today.) God knows I'd be the latter option, but instead of robbing people, I'd just swindle them out of their possessions, and maybe get a gun, because I know that other people will be doing the same. Even though I would have a gun, I probably wouldn't use it. I tried to kill something once (a fish,) but I instead ended up crying and sitting in the fetal position for 3 days.

Being someone who'd prefer to not bring harm to someone is certainly not a marketable skill to have when facing an apocalypse. I guess I could hook up with a group and I could be their Banker, like in Monopoly. Or maybe I could become a hermit, live in a cave and hunt for food?

You know what? Screw it. If Global Warming does in fact bring about the apocalypse, I'm just going to dig a hole and wait for my untimely death. Trying to survive might make my hands dirty.